I was born in Plainwell, Michigan. Raised between grandparents in Kalamazoo and metro Detroit. Then I moved to Traverse City. Northern Michigan has been home to me for a majority of my life. So much so that when I moved to Oklahoma City, I still proclaimed in every instance, that I was going “home to Michigan,” each time I flew out or drove to the mitten. For the first time in my adult life, I can say with certainty, that Traverse City is no longer home.
As Ariella, Ryan, Ezra and myself left Oklahoma City, there were a lot of questions yet to be answered. Ryan and Ezra had never had a good reason to go up to the beauty that is Northern Michigan. Ariella hadn’t been for years. All I could think about was, what exactly is going to happen on this trip? My heart, prepared to receive, alongside my mind, in deep contemplation, spent a majority of the window and windshield time figuring out where I stood on going north. What exactly is about to unfold? As we passed through every state, that would eventually become a stop on the way back to Oklahoma, the Lord initiated a new conversation.
When it came my time to drive, it was dark night. I drove the night watch. Everyone else? Sound asleep. Looks like Jesus and I would get some alone time. I turned on Mumford and Sons album “Babel” which shortly thereafter had me babbling.
Cause I know my weakness, know my voice and I'll believe in grace and choice. And I know perhaps my heart is fast, but I'll be born without a mask.
The dialogue with Jesus was prevalent. I do know my weakness, and I need grace. Acknowledging my fast heart, and my desire for vulnerability leaves my heart on my sleeve. Masking my true self is impossible. Thank you, Jesus.
And my heart, was colder when you've gone. And I lost my head, but found the one that I loved, Under the sun, Under the sun.
When I walked away from you Lord, when I strayed so far away, desire was dead and my heart was cold. My mind had nothing to grasp onto. Luckily, You picked me up, dusted me off, and became the One that I LOVE! Thanks, Jesus.
Now I'll be bold, as well as strong, and use my head alongside my heart. So take my flesh, and fix my eyes, a tethered mind free from the lies. And I'll kneel down, wait for now. I’ll kneel down, know my ground. Raise my hands, paint my spirit gold, and bow my head, keep my heart slow. ’Cause I will wait, I will wait for you.
Jesus, I will wait. And I will worship You and You alone! In boldness. In strength. With both head and heart. Posturing my heart. Kneeling down. Hands raised high. Bowing my head. Stilling my heart. I am patient, and I wait on You! Come Holy Spirit!
But I'll still believe though there's cracks you'll see when I'm on my knees I'll still believe. And when I've hit the ground, neither lost nor found, if you believe in me I'll still believe.
My heart is wounded, tenderly broken but wonderfully sown. In the now but not yet, I feel lost and found. Jesus, I know You believe in me. That’s the part of your gift I constantly misinterpret. Co-heir means together! I believe with faith in all You have for me! Thank you, Lord.
So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light ‘cause oh they gave me such a fright. But I will hold on with all of my might just promise me we'll be all right.
Jesus, You guide my every step! You are the light in the darkness. I hold on to You with everything I have. And Lord, you will never leave me nor forsake me. Revelation of Your beauty over my brokenness!
So love the one you hold and I will be your gold. To have and to hold a lover of the light.
Marching orders. Jesus wants me to love Him! He will be my gold! Forever and ever, a lover of light! A beautiful celebration, and recognition that I am married to His goodness forever! He wants all of me, and he wants to purify me. More, Jesus!
But do not ask the price I pay, I must live with my quiet rage. Tame the ghosts in my head that run wild and wish me dead. Should you shake my ash to the wind, Lord forget all of my sins. And let me die where I lie, beneath the curse of my lovers eyes. I walk slow, I walk slow, take my hand help me on my way.
My life for Yours, Jesus! It is hardly a fair trade. But I die. I die to my past. Forget my sins, Father! You have already paid for them. I walk slow. With you. Steadfast. Guide me, Father!
Oh my love, don’t fade away, Oh my love don't fade away.
So when your hope's on fire, but you know your desire. Don’t hold a glass over the flame, don’t let your heart grow cold. I will call you by name, I will share your road. But hold me fast, hold me fast, ’cause I'm a hopeless wanderer. And hold me fast, hold me fast, ’cause I'm a hopeless wanderer. I will learn, I will learn to love the skies I'm under.
Set fire to my heart, Lord. Jesus, You are my desire! I will never cover it. Because You call me by name! And You hold me fast. Because apart from you I am a hopeless wanderer. You give me purpose. You give me revelation and love for my seasons on earth!
But oh, my heart was flawed I knew my weakness. So hold my hand, consign me not to darkness.
Previous to You, Father, I was broken. Thank you for pulling me out of darkness, time and time again!
Keep the earth below my feet, for all my sweat, my blood runs weak. Let me learn from where I have been. Keep my eyes to serve, my hands to learn, keep my eyes to serve, my hands to learn.
I live to serve You, Lord. Keep me humble. Keep me working for Your kingdom. Help me to learn from where You have brought me. Holy Spirit guide me!
We will run and scream.You will dance with me. Fulfill our dreams, and we'll be free, we will be who we are, and they'll heal our scars. Sadness will be far away.
Eternity. A picture of forever! Dancing. Running. Screaming. Fulfilling dreams in freedom! Jesus, you will be the center of our healing. And sadness will be no more!
Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
The slobbering mess that was Liam, rocked in the captain’s chair, pressing through St. Louis, Chicago and into Michigan. It was a beautiful night. Each time the album began again, the Lord brought something new to my heart. Interceding for Crestwood, the Church, unity, Oklahoma City, the lost, the poor, the worship team, our pastoral staff, leadership, and the congregation. Calling up the young hearts, the old hearts, the nations, and everything in between. All the while, the rest of the troops slept.
Finally in Michigan, everyone woke up, and the desire to be in Traverse City was abundant. Ryan took over the last leg, and I fell asleep HARD!
Previous to this August, when I traveled to my mom’s house, I stayed at my mom’s house. This time, we camped. We rolled into T.C., stopped by the Microbrew Festival as everyone was setting up, visited mom at work, went to mom’s, cleaned up, got lunch, went to the camp site, set up our tents and returned to the first night of the festival. We enjoyed beer from microbreweries all over the U.S. and listened to a lively show by Robert Randolph and the Family Band. We returned to camp, and crashed!